Teenagers

            I read an article today about sibling’s of children with disabilities being more likely to struggle with relationships, school, behavior, etc. The full article can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/siblings-kids-with-disabilities-_n_3682881.html. It got me thinking about the relationship I have with my own sister. As the older sibling, it’s difficult sometimes to find balance and acceptance being a strong, independent role model, while also requiring help with basic daily living tasks. Especially when the help sometimes comes from my younger sister.

            My sister Kaitlyn is thirteen. As a baby I would sing her to sleep and help change her diapers. As she grew up, though, she naturally noticed areas I struggle in, and began to offer her helping hands. It’s sweet, how innocent and non-judgmental kids can be. For Kaitlyn, as I’m sure it is for other siblings of people with disabilities, the help I need is a normal way of life. I love that she has accepted my disability so naturally. I love that she is the one person in my whole life that has never once questioned my abilities or inabilities. But I hate what my needs sometimes do to our relationship.

            I do my very best to limit how much I ask of Kaitlyn. She’s only thirteen, after all. But more often than not, she is home before anyone else. And only qualifying for a few personal assistant hours a day inevitably means I will need something from someone else during the day. I try to think of everything while one of my assistants is with me, but I never remember everything. As a result, I ask whoever is home at the time for a little help. Unfortunately, sometimes that’s Kaitlyn. And sometimes, she acts like many teenagers do when asked to do something they don’t feel like doing.

It’s hard for me to ask Kaitlyn for help. I know she doesn’t really want to be putting my shoes on, or opening things for me all day. And I know that, as a teenager, she probably wants an older sibling that more closely resembles those of her friends. Not being able to give her that, we get in some pretty hefty arguments from time to time. More often than not, they all stem from my impatient nature, and her teenage mindset. In the end, we both acknowledge our own shortcomings when it comes to having patience with one another. She knows I will only ask for what I need. I know she doesn’t resent me for it. And, regardless of what the future might hold, we will always be sisters.