I read an
article today about sibling’s of children with disabilities being more likely
to struggle with relationships, school, behavior, etc. The full article can be
found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/siblings-kids-with-disabilities-_n_3682881.html.
It got me thinking about the relationship I have with my own sister. As the
older sibling, it’s difficult sometimes to find balance and acceptance being a
strong, independent role model, while also requiring help with basic daily
living tasks. Especially when the help sometimes comes from my younger sister.
My sister Kaitlyn
is thirteen. As a baby I would sing her to sleep and help change her diapers.
As she grew up, though, she naturally noticed areas I struggle in, and began to
offer her helping hands. It’s sweet, how innocent and non-judgmental kids can
be. For Kaitlyn, as I’m sure it is for other siblings of people with
disabilities, the help I need is a normal way of life. I love that she has
accepted my disability so naturally. I love that she is the one person in my
whole life that has never once questioned my abilities or inabilities. But I
hate what my needs sometimes do to our relationship.
I do my
very best to limit how much I ask of Kaitlyn. She’s only thirteen, after all.
But more often than not, she is home before anyone else. And only qualifying
for a few personal assistant hours a day inevitably means I will need something
from someone else during the day. I try to think of everything while one of my
assistants is with me, but I never remember everything. As a result, I ask
whoever is home at the time for a little help. Unfortunately, sometimes that’s
Kaitlyn. And sometimes, she acts like many teenagers do when asked to do
something they don’t feel like doing.
It’s hard for me to ask Kaitlyn for
help. I know she doesn’t really want to be putting my shoes on, or opening
things for me all day. And I know that, as a teenager, she probably wants an
older sibling that more closely resembles those of her friends. Not being able
to give her that, we get in some pretty hefty arguments from time to time. More
often than not, they all stem from my impatient nature, and her teenage
mindset. In the end, we both acknowledge our own shortcomings when it comes to
having patience with one another. She knows I will only ask for what I need. I
know she doesn’t resent me for it. And, regardless of what the future might
hold, we will always be sisters.
