Another One Bites The Dust

            I received another rejection email from a job I interviewed for.  That’s a total of over 100 jobs I have applied for since December.  It’s only the second request for an interview though.  I’m not sure if that makes it better, or worse.  I don’t think anything can make being rejected feel much better in the moment it happens.  It sucks.  I’m being passed up once again, because I have all this knowledge and no practical application of it.  No real experience of any kind where employment is concerned.  It seems impossible to get any, if no one will allow me the opportunity to gain some.

            Another company called me last week to schedule an interview.  I go tomorrow.  Not sure if I really want the job.  It does not require a Master’s degree or any real experience, theoretical or otherwise, so I doubt it will push me and allow me to grow as a professional.  I’ll most likely spend my days answering as many phone calls as is humanly possible in a 9 to 5.  But it’s a paycheck.  It means I’m one step closer to a down payment on a van.  A chance to have my own place again.  Independence.  I have to get the job first, so I refuse to hold too much hope just yet.

            We’ll see.

Just A Thought

            I’ve been working on my book a lot lately.  Trying to, anyway, in between actually working and attempting a social life.  I’ve been rummaging through memories in my head.  Remembering moments I have forgotten and missed, and some I have forgotten and longed never to encounter again.  But if I’m going to show people my life, I have to show them all of the most important parts that have helped make me who I am today.

It’s unfortunate to have experienced certain levels of hurt.  To know you were once in a place so dark, no light seemed possible.  There was a time when I couldn’t understand why I was given this life, even with all the beauty around me.  I couldn’t see the changes I was making being who I was, because I was too consumed with fighting it. But I am a beautiful person with a purpose or two in this world, and while I would like to forget these moments, I know they would be better remembered to help others through their own.

Writing is a bit of a struggle sometimes.  One minute I’m hitting roadblocks around every corner, trying to find the right words to capture my readers; the next, I feel like I don’t have enough time to get a thought written down before it escapes me.  Or I’ll be right in the middle of one thought, when I have to write myself a note on another before I forget it.  It’s a huge undertaking, to write your life out for the world to see.  But I’m learning a lot about myself in the process.  And if I can help at least one person to accept themself and be proud of who they are, then it’s all worth it.

Finding My Voice Again

            My time as Ms. Wheelchair Tennessee 2012 was a year I will never forget.  I learned a lot about the Disability Rights Movement.  More than I already knew.  I learned more about the struggles and hardships that people with disabilities faced as part of their daily lives.  It was just part of living back then.  Just part of doing what was necessary to survive.  Until people spoke up.  Until people like Ed Roberts and Judith Heumann banded together and forced society to let them in. In that year as Ms. Wheelchair Tennessee, I found more of myself.  More of the past that makes my future possible.  And I discovered how desperately I wanted my voice to impact the present… to change the future for others in the same way Ed Roberts and Judith Heumann changed it for me.

            In March 2013 I passed on the crown, so to speak.  Bliss Welch became Ms. Wheelchair Tennessee 2013.  In so many ways, she is perfect for this role.  And I know she will make us proud.  But I would be lying if I said it has been a struggle for me these past few months.  I am still active in the Ms. Wheelchair Tennessee Organization.  I lend my skills wherever needed to help Bliss, and to help this amazing organization grow.  There was some time, however, when I felt a lull… a loss in my life.  I felt as if I had lost the ability to speak out.  As if giving up my crown meant giving up my voice.

            I started this blog in an effort to share my life with others.  To remain open and honest as a person with a disability, no more or less human than anyone else.  I thought I lost my voice these last few months.  But I was wrong.  I forgot the most important lesson being Ms. Wheelchair Tennessee 2012 taught me.  The title might have handed me the microphone, so to speak, but I had to be willing to speak into it and make some noise!  Recent events have reminded me of this, and I am raising my voice once more.  My apologies for the silence while I worked on some kinks.  I’m back!