To Love, Honor, Cherish, and… Assist with Daily Living Needs?

             I am overwhelmed this week with the decisions being made by our nation and its leaders. The U.S. Supreme Court heard two cases this week on the legality of same-sex marriage. Reading the news reports and personal stories, I am reminded of the struggles people with disabilities continue to face in marriage equality. And I still cannot fathom why any government feels it should have the right to dictate the definition of marriage. Marriage is a declaration of lifelong love and commitment from one person to another. Period. I will love whomever I fall irrevocably in love with, regardless of gender. No one should get a say in that decision but my partner and myself. Unfortunately, as a person with a disability, I have the added burden of considering how marriage will affect my overall financial and healthcare needs.

            Having never been married (and still basking in the life of a Bachelorette!), I took some time to read articles recommended by friends on the subject of marriage and disability. What I read caused me to rethink the way I view marriage. A lot of people with disabilities receive SSI at some point in their lives. As a recent graduate, SSI is still my main form of income. If you get SSI and marry, however, there is a strong likelihood that your benefits will decrease or you may no longer be eligible. How much you make, and whether you still qualify, is now based on your combined assets. Apparently it’s easier for a couple to live on less income than would be required of an individual. Only the government would come up with such a theory!

            And if you think that’s bad, I haven’t gotten to the best part. In most states, eligibility for SSI means eligibility for Medicaid. For some, independence hinges on the personal care assistance Medicaid pays for. Private health insurance doesn’t cover assistance with daily living needs, so what happens when Medicaid is lost? How are people with disabilities suppose to continue living independently without the means to do so? Our partners cannot be expected to fill those needs on a permanent basis. I think I speak for a lot of people with disabilities when I say that being taken to the bathroom, showered, and dressed is just not sexy! Sure, I will appreciate my partner’s ability and willingness to assist me with such tasks when necessary, but relationships that cross into the personal care area too often, can be difficult and take away from intimacy and romance.

            Marriage used to be my ideal happy ending. As a hopeless romantic, I still cannot wait for the day when love sweeps me off my feet and I find my soul mate. As a realistic individual, I am now continuously made aware of the long road we face as a nation before the right to marry your true love does not come with penalties and fine print attached. I guess it all comes down to what I believe in. How hard am I willing to fight for my right to marriage equality? I’m proud to say I believe in marriage equality for all people. The right to marry affects us all. It's time we take a stand! What side are you on?

For more information on marriage and people with disabilities (explained way better than I ever could) try these links:

http://www.specialneedsalliance.org/the-voice/4/9

http://ici.umn.edu/products/impact/232/22.html

http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/issuepapers/ip2003-01.html